Mike Hessman, first baseman for the Toledo Mud Hens is allowed to hold Dusty Ryans' Tigers hat while Ryan takes a leak. After 4 years with the Mud Hens and a declining batting average this may be the closest Hessman ever gets to the MLB.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Onion Exclusive: Dukes The Dog on Spike
by Reg Hanson
Downtown Toledo:
On Monday the Toledo Walleye announced the first member of the new organization, “Spike”, the lovable and highly marketable mascot of Toledo’s newest professional sports team. Spikes first appearance to the Toledo faithful happened Monday during the Hens noon game against Scranton/ Willkes Barre and will continue through the remainder of the Hens season.
People had mixed emotions as the fish scampered about with Muddy and Mudonna. While most were very supportive of the newest face of Toledo sports there were those that had their doubts. One had a very strong opinion on this matter, the old Toledo Storm Mascot “Dukes” the dog.
We caught up with the K-9 working the afternoon shift at Chuck E. Cheese. I sat down with him to get his opinion on Spike and other hot topics here in Toledo:
Reg: You saw the mascot (Spike) what did you think?
Dukes: Well at first I thought I didn’t know what was going on. It looked like just another fish with a bike helmet on like he rode the short bus to the game, but then when he was dancing around with Muddy and Mudoona reality kicked. I’ll be honest, it hurt a bit
Reg: Were you interviewed for the position?
Dukes: Yes, but it was more of a formality. Naps (Joe Napoli) and I sat down to talk one day over a Muddy burger on Opening Day. He thought if I was in a fishing outfit I may have a chance but after we talked more the smell of a wet dog wasn’t really appealing to the fans, I mean at the Sports Arena it would have been fine, hell I probably would have smelled better than half the fans but I never got a call back.
Reg: Do you feel betrayed?
Dukes: After 10 years with the Storm I felt I deserved a chance but it’s a tough job market right now and they had to do what they felt was right.
Reg: Do you think it was because of “the incident” at the Sports Arena?
Dukes: I knew you would go there Hanson, for the last time I thought it was water not vodka. One time I lift my leg in public and that is all anyone remembers. I paid my fine and the city got their $80. Let it go…
Reg: Off topic who for mayor and why?
Dukes: I think Bell has a great shot but don’t under estimate Opal. With an amusement park downtown maybe I could get some work.
Reg: Did you know that Spike is from Windsor, Canada
Dukes: Really? I thought some East Sider fishing underneath the High Level bridge plucked him out one day, well that’s just another example of how good Americans are being put out of work. What’s next? A dancing Jalapeno on skates from Mexico?
Reg: What’s next for Dukes, birthday parties or is here the final stop on this crazy ride?
Dukes: Well I heard about the Arena Football Team and have been eating flies and stretching my tongue so I think I may have a chance (attempts to make Bull Frog noise… I think).
Dukes then was taken down by 4 seven year olds who demand that he dance for them. They kicked and punched him pretty hard several times but he got up and danced for them.
His outfit was a worn and a bit pungent, but I could see he still had in him. If Spike does not look out Dukes could be first in line to replace him. Perhaps when the puck drops October 18th the Toledo Onion should start a petition to bring Dukes back. It may be just crazy enough to work. Maybe I will have those guys for Take Back Toledo help me with the form…
On Monday the Toledo Walleye announced the first member of the new organization, “Spike”, the lovable and highly marketable mascot of Toledo’s newest professional sports team. Spikes first appearance to the Toledo faithful happened Monday during the Hens noon game against Scranton/ Willkes Barre and will continue through the remainder of the Hens season.
People had mixed emotions as the fish scampered about with Muddy and Mudonna. While most were very supportive of the newest face of Toledo sports there were those that had their doubts. One had a very strong opinion on this matter, the old Toledo Storm Mascot “Dukes” the dog.
We caught up with the K-9 working the afternoon shift at Chuck E. Cheese. I sat down with him to get his opinion on Spike and other hot topics here in Toledo:
Reg: You saw the mascot (Spike) what did you think?
Dukes: Well at first I thought I didn’t know what was going on. It looked like just another fish with a bike helmet on like he rode the short bus to the game, but then when he was dancing around with Muddy and Mudoona reality kicked. I’ll be honest, it hurt a bit
Reg: Were you interviewed for the position?
Dukes: Yes, but it was more of a formality. Naps (Joe Napoli) and I sat down to talk one day over a Muddy burger on Opening Day. He thought if I was in a fishing outfit I may have a chance but after we talked more the smell of a wet dog wasn’t really appealing to the fans, I mean at the Sports Arena it would have been fine, hell I probably would have smelled better than half the fans but I never got a call back.
Reg: Do you feel betrayed?
Dukes: After 10 years with the Storm I felt I deserved a chance but it’s a tough job market right now and they had to do what they felt was right.
Reg: Do you think it was because of “the incident” at the Sports Arena?
Dukes: I knew you would go there Hanson, for the last time I thought it was water not vodka. One time I lift my leg in public and that is all anyone remembers. I paid my fine and the city got their $80. Let it go…
Reg: Off topic who for mayor and why?
Dukes: I think Bell has a great shot but don’t under estimate Opal. With an amusement park downtown maybe I could get some work.
Reg: Did you know that Spike is from Windsor, Canada
Dukes: Really? I thought some East Sider fishing underneath the High Level bridge plucked him out one day, well that’s just another example of how good Americans are being put out of work. What’s next? A dancing Jalapeno on skates from Mexico?
Reg: What’s next for Dukes, birthday parties or is here the final stop on this crazy ride?
Dukes: Well I heard about the Arena Football Team and have been eating flies and stretching my tongue so I think I may have a chance (attempts to make Bull Frog noise… I think).
Dukes then was taken down by 4 seven year olds who demand that he dance for them. They kicked and punched him pretty hard several times but he got up and danced for them.
His outfit was a worn and a bit pungent, but I could see he still had in him. If Spike does not look out Dukes could be first in line to replace him. Perhaps when the puck drops October 18th the Toledo Onion should start a petition to bring Dukes back. It may be just crazy enough to work. Maybe I will have those guys for Take Back Toledo help me with the form…
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Toledo Ice Basketball Season Tickets Hit All Time High
Downtown Toledo – The Toledo Ice, Toledo's Semi Pro Basketball team sent out an email today announcing season tickets were on sale for the upcoming season. Along with the message was the schedule for the upcoming season. The slogan for the team this year “Not just a pick up game” was met with mixed response. Here is a copy of the email:
Dear Season Ticket Holder:
The Toledo Ice is excited to announce that season ticket packages for the upcoming season have doubled. We have gone from 6 season ticket holders to 12. Our sponsor for this season will be Allison’s Lemonade Stand and we are proud that the Waldorf Garage Sale will be back also.
Dear Season Ticket Holder:
The Toledo Ice is excited to announce that season ticket packages for the upcoming season have doubled. We have gone from 6 season ticket holders to 12. Our sponsor for this season will be Allison’s Lemonade Stand and we are proud that the Waldorf Garage Sale will be back also.
This is an exciting year for the Ice. We will have a new home court this year, we will NOT be at the new arena but in the Robinson’s backyard where they just put up a new rim and backboard this week. Here is the upcoming schedule and the games are weather permitting. Thank you for your patronage and your $8.00 is due by the end of the month or whenever you can get it to us.
Sept. 5 – vs. IHOP presents the Fort Wayne Waterfalls at Robinson’s Backyard Arena
Sept. 12 - at Dayton Rolled Up Newspapers (playing at Dave’s House)
Sept. 19 – Open (if you got 4 or 5 guys/girls call us)
Sept.26 – at Toledo Christ the King 8th grade boys at CK Arena (please bring a can good for the players night)
Oct. 3 – at Akron Red Bulls (playing at that one park with the picnic tables)
Oct 10 – at Youngstown Labradors (playing at Jimmy’s step dad’s)
Oct. 17 – vs. Monroe Dodge Salesman at Robinson’s Backyard Arena
Toledo Ice Basketball “Not Just a Pick Up Game!”
The Ice did not give an address but said if they know anyone who may be interested to let them know tickets are on sale now…
Sept. 5 – vs. IHOP presents the Fort Wayne Waterfalls at Robinson’s Backyard Arena
Sept. 12 - at Dayton Rolled Up Newspapers (playing at Dave’s House)
Sept. 19 – Open (if you got 4 or 5 guys/girls call us)
Sept.26 – at Toledo Christ the King 8th grade boys at CK Arena (please bring a can good for the players night)
Oct. 3 – at Akron Red Bulls (playing at that one park with the picnic tables)
Oct 10 – at Youngstown Labradors (playing at Jimmy’s step dad’s)
Oct. 17 – vs. Monroe Dodge Salesman at Robinson’s Backyard Arena
Toledo Ice Basketball “Not Just a Pick Up Game!”
The Ice did not give an address but said if they know anyone who may be interested to let them know tickets are on sale now…
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Basement Containing NBC 24 Studios Found
South Toledo-
Confirming long standing suspicion that NBC 24 is not a real news cast FCC investigators found the basement containing the sub par studios today. FCC crews arrived at a house located at 2345 Byrne Road at 1:30 pm this afternoon to find the “news” staff preparing for their 6pm news cast. FCC spokesman Chris DeWitt said:
“Upon entering the house we found four “staff” members huddled around a stack of milk crates with a sign that read “Bullpen” taped to the side. Norm Van Ness was found throwing darts at a board with pictures of a sun, rain, clouds and snow. Jim Tichey was finishing the scores for the Toledo Goal Diggers vs Flint Generals game in 1973. Station Manager Brian Coswell was found watching tapes of elementary kids giving the morning announcements and proclaimed he was looking for Toledo’s next star to anchor the 6pm newscast”
Shortly after FCC officials arrived Michael Schlesinger’s mom ordered the entire news team and research staff upstairs to wash their hands before dinner.
NBC 24 has long been the forgotten child of the Northwest Ohio news scene, always trailing their major competitors at WTVG and WTOL led to the decision to add two more newscast at 7:00 pm and 7:30 pm. Attempting to blaze a new trail in Toledo news coverage NBC 24 officials believe that viewers will turn from Everybody Loves Raymond and King of Queens re-runs to watch news that was already covered on channels 11 and 13 between 5:00pm and 6:30 pm.
Mikah Smith one of NBC 24’s thirteen views said
“I live 3 doors down from the house and before this digital cable change over NBC 24 was the only station I could get on my rabbit ears so I had to watch, I’ll admit I do miss Blizzard Bill Spencer, no one could deliver a weather forecast wrong 95% of the time like Ol’ Blizzard Bill”
Confirming long standing suspicion that NBC 24 is not a real news cast FCC investigators found the basement containing the sub par studios today. FCC crews arrived at a house located at 2345 Byrne Road at 1:30 pm this afternoon to find the “news” staff preparing for their 6pm news cast. FCC spokesman Chris DeWitt said:
“Upon entering the house we found four “staff” members huddled around a stack of milk crates with a sign that read “Bullpen” taped to the side. Norm Van Ness was found throwing darts at a board with pictures of a sun, rain, clouds and snow. Jim Tichey was finishing the scores for the Toledo Goal Diggers vs Flint Generals game in 1973. Station Manager Brian Coswell was found watching tapes of elementary kids giving the morning announcements and proclaimed he was looking for Toledo’s next star to anchor the 6pm newscast”
Shortly after FCC officials arrived Michael Schlesinger’s mom ordered the entire news team and research staff upstairs to wash their hands before dinner.
NBC 24 has long been the forgotten child of the Northwest Ohio news scene, always trailing their major competitors at WTVG and WTOL led to the decision to add two more newscast at 7:00 pm and 7:30 pm. Attempting to blaze a new trail in Toledo news coverage NBC 24 officials believe that viewers will turn from Everybody Loves Raymond and King of Queens re-runs to watch news that was already covered on channels 11 and 13 between 5:00pm and 6:30 pm.
Mikah Smith one of NBC 24’s thirteen views said
“I live 3 doors down from the house and before this digital cable change over NBC 24 was the only station I could get on my rabbit ears so I had to watch, I’ll admit I do miss Blizzard Bill Spencer, no one could deliver a weather forecast wrong 95% of the time like Ol’ Blizzard Bill”
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Water Line Break Suspect Caught On Camera
Early Monday morning a water line break on St. Clair Street shut down traffic as well as the sprinkler system for the Edison Plaza. A surveillance camera on the back of HCR Manor Care has captured the image of the suspect walking away after severing the water line. Toledo Police say the suspect has been identified as 22 year old Michael Way an employee of Mojoe’s.
Mojoe’s, a coffee and sandwich shop located just inside the St. Clair entrance of Edison Plaza serves Seattle’s Best coffee along with assorted sandwiches, soups, snacks and refreshments to Edison Plaza employees
Mr. Way was reportedly upset with Mojoe’s management and attempted to sever the water line in order to shut down the coffee shop for the day. Sources inside Mojoe’s say Mr. Way was fed up with the way owner Ed Beczynski was forcing him to work early hours during the summer months. Mr. Way is quoted as saying:
“ He thinks I am one of those god damn foreigners that he has working over at the Blarney, I’m not from the Russia or wherever that guy with the weird accent is from, I have softball on Sunday nights and he knows that and he still wants me here at 5:00am brewing his damn coffee for him”
Mr. Way was also reportedly upset with the way Blarney employees are treated far better than Mojoe’s. Mr. Way was often heard complaining that Mojoe’s employees were treated like step children in the “Eddie B” corporation.
Mr. Way has still not been located, repeated calls to his West Toledo home have gone unanswered and Toledo Police are still busy answering calls from the weekend to follow up.
Mojoe’s, a coffee and sandwich shop located just inside the St. Clair entrance of Edison Plaza serves Seattle’s Best coffee along with assorted sandwiches, soups, snacks and refreshments to Edison Plaza employees
Mr. Way was reportedly upset with Mojoe’s management and attempted to sever the water line in order to shut down the coffee shop for the day. Sources inside Mojoe’s say Mr. Way was fed up with the way owner Ed Beczynski was forcing him to work early hours during the summer months. Mr. Way is quoted as saying:
“ He thinks I am one of those god damn foreigners that he has working over at the Blarney, I’m not from the Russia or wherever that guy with the weird accent is from, I have softball on Sunday nights and he knows that and he still wants me here at 5:00am brewing his damn coffee for him”
Mr. Way was also reportedly upset with the way Blarney employees are treated far better than Mojoe’s. Mr. Way was often heard complaining that Mojoe’s employees were treated like step children in the “Eddie B” corporation.
Mr. Way has still not been located, repeated calls to his West Toledo home have gone unanswered and Toledo Police are still busy answering calls from the weekend to follow up.
Homeless Population Leaving Toledo For Suburbs
Toledo, OH-
A recent study shows that the City of Toledo’s homeless population has dropped by 27% in the past 3 months and comes on the heels of a new U.S. Census Bureau study that shows the City of Toledo has lost 2,413 residents or 0.8% of it’s population between July 1, 2007 and July 1, 2008 City officials, led by Mayor Carty Finkbeiner were quick to defend Toledo’s drop in population as merely the fruits of the administration efforts to rid the city of homeless people.
In August of 2007 Mayor Carty Finkbeiner instituted a double secret plan to make Toledo as unattractive to homeless people as possible thereby forcing them to follow the rest of Toledo’s residents to the suburbs.
“My plan worked, we have successfully eradicated approximately 21 homeless people from the streets of Toledo” said Mayor Finkbeiner.
Details of the "double secret" plan have been held very secret but sources inside One Government Center say a decrease in safety, roadblocks for economic development, and anything else that could bring the morale of the city to its lowest point in years were all part of the master plan.
When asked about the other 2,392 people that have left the city Mayor Finkbeiner said:
“You have to take the good with the bad, those 2,392 people that also left were probably losers anyways, and I hope all those homeless people went to Swanton or any of the other surrounding areas that are always bitching about our water supply contracts”
A decrease in population has significant effects of the City of Toledo when it comes to attracting new business and receiving federal grants from HUD and other federal agencies.
“ I could care less what happens with federal grants or new businesses, my goal for the next few months is to drive Toledo as far down as I can and to let the next guy deal with cleaning up my mess.” Said Mayor Finkbeiner
A recent study shows that the City of Toledo’s homeless population has dropped by 27% in the past 3 months and comes on the heels of a new U.S. Census Bureau study that shows the City of Toledo has lost 2,413 residents or 0.8% of it’s population between July 1, 2007 and July 1, 2008 City officials, led by Mayor Carty Finkbeiner were quick to defend Toledo’s drop in population as merely the fruits of the administration efforts to rid the city of homeless people.
In August of 2007 Mayor Carty Finkbeiner instituted a double secret plan to make Toledo as unattractive to homeless people as possible thereby forcing them to follow the rest of Toledo’s residents to the suburbs.
“My plan worked, we have successfully eradicated approximately 21 homeless people from the streets of Toledo” said Mayor Finkbeiner.
Details of the "double secret" plan have been held very secret but sources inside One Government Center say a decrease in safety, roadblocks for economic development, and anything else that could bring the morale of the city to its lowest point in years were all part of the master plan.
When asked about the other 2,392 people that have left the city Mayor Finkbeiner said:
“You have to take the good with the bad, those 2,392 people that also left were probably losers anyways, and I hope all those homeless people went to Swanton or any of the other surrounding areas that are always bitching about our water supply contracts”
A decrease in population has significant effects of the City of Toledo when it comes to attracting new business and receiving federal grants from HUD and other federal agencies.
“ I could care less what happens with federal grants or new businesses, my goal for the next few months is to drive Toledo as far down as I can and to let the next guy deal with cleaning up my mess.” Said Mayor Finkbeiner
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