Diehard Ford Owner Refuses Help From Dodge Driver

Richard Wilkins (42) was traveling west bound on Airport Highway in his 2002 Ford F-150 this afternoon when he apparently dropped his chewing tobacco spitter on the floor, lost control and hit a guard rail. Jeff Kazmaier (28) a Dodge Ram owner was also traveling west bound four cars behind Mr. Wilkins when the accident occurred.

“I saw him swerve into the guard rail and spin around towards on coming traffic so I pulled over and jumped out to help. When I got to the truck he had a huge cut on his head and was bleeding very bad”

Upon wiping the blood from his eyes Mr. Wilkins asked Mr. Kazamaier if that’s was his Dodge Ram. After Mr. Kazamaier assured him it was Mr. Wilkins stated.
“I don’t need no help from some god damn dodge owner”

“I saw the sticker of Calvin urinating on the Dodge logo when he passed me around Holloway Rd but I thought that was just a joke” said Kazamaier

Mr. Wilkins was removed from the truck with the help of State Highway patrolmen and was taken by ambulance to the UT Medical Center.

Upon further inspection of the truck Mr. Wilkins apparently did not want help from not only Dodge owners but also, his ex-wife, President Obama, Jeff Gordon Fans, Terrorist or Microsoft which were all represented by the stickers on his back window.

Troopers said the truck was totaled and the only thing to survive the crash were the “truck nuts” attached to Mr. Wilkins trailer hitch.

Konop Making His Last Push

Ben Konop is still working hard to get every last vote he can to put himself into one of the 2 top spots to be the next mayor of this great city. Like many of the candidates Mr. Konop is spending his day going door to door making sure people are getting out to vote. However, some interesting situations have arisen during this clutch time of the election.

“I got him to clean up the dog poop in my yard if I promised to vote for him.” Becky DeFoe of East Toledo said.

Other errands have included returning the Waldorf’s Tupperware from the University of Toledo tailgate this past weekend for Michelle Malsby and getting a cup of sugar for Mrs. Palicki because she needed it to finish her famous snicker doodles.

“He’s a man of the people” Mrs. Palicki stated “but if he don't get back here pretty soon with that sugar Opal is getting my vote next week.” Upon being informed that the primary election was today she replied

“That’s too bad I have plans this afternoon. I will let him know when he comes back. Does that mean I have to pay him now?”

With his eyes squinted as if he was staring directly at the sun Mr. Konop said.

"I have full faith and trust in the people of Toledo to do what's right and to vote for me. I have spent many hours on Facebook late at night after the bars, making stupid youtube videos, disrespecting the American flag and going door to door this campaign and I know it will pay off. Plus my mom just took me school shopping for new clothes so even if I don't win I still have a bunch of new clothes, which is waaaaay cool".

Make sure to get out there and vote once or twice today!

Remember: “If you don’t vote… you can’t bitch”

Former Toledo Storm Fans Gearing Up For Walleye Hockey Season

October 16th and the start of the 2009/2010 Toledo Walleye Hockey Season are just around the corner. While crews put the finishing touches on The Lucas County Arena (aka Ben Konop Arena) and the team signs players from around North America, Toledo fans are anxiously awaiting the first drop of the puck.

Michael Krepps, James Coughlin, Jack “Big Daddy” Williams and Becky Snyder are ready for the upcoming Toledo Walleye season to start but being longtime Toledo Storm fans they have their concerns. After sitting together for the past 14 years at the Toledo Sports Arena and drinking stale beer out of wax cups they are worried the new arena won’t feel like home.

There are plenty of memories between these guys.

“I got engaged in those seats… twice” says Michael Krepps.

“ We are worried the troughs (that’s urinal in East Side Slang) aren’t gonna drip on the floor anymore and I wonder if the ladies will still walk in the guys bathrooms on busy nights.” Said James Coughlin

“hey I wonder if they are going to burn the popcorn so as soon as you walk in the door so the smell hits you in the face, ” said Big Daddy

“ I miss the old Goal Digger and Storm days when the cloud of smoke from the whole building smoking would hang ten feet off the ice. One year I had season tickets in section 106 in the second to last row and by the middle of the second period you could barely see the ice. I’ve spent many nights in the Thunderdome lounge and got really drunk but luckily there was always at least one guy (sometimes two or three) who offered to take me home every time” said Becky Snyder

When asked what their chief concern was when coming over the bridge, these four eastsiders replied. “the toll”.

Hooters Waitress Demoted to Thursday Lunch Shift

West Toledo- Last Tuesday Kimmi Buckholter a server at Hooters on Monroe St was demoted to the Thursday lunch shift after dropping a tray of wings on the “Game Over-Mikes Bachelor Party” last weekend. The sudden move came as a shock to the rest of the weekend night shift servers also known as The Varsity Team.

Store Manager Brian McKenna said “Kimmi was one of my most solid servers throughout the summer and in the last couple of weeks she has just not had the passion that everyone knows I demand of my varsity team. Her hula hoop skills are lacking and her ability to sit down at a table full of guys and make them think she is interested in them is just not there anymore”

Kimmi (21) has been working at Hooters since the summer of 2006 when she turned 18 and came on as the greeter/hostess in the white polo. Through hard work and dedication she quickly earned her orange shorts, puffy socks, and tight white Hooters shirt and was the star server under previous manager Mike Collins. As with any good team a change in leadership can always disrupt team chemistry and Kimmi was no exception.

“Like from day one I totally didn’t get along with Brian, he is like always on my about singing the birthday song, I totally bang the plates together louder than any of these bitches here. I was like totally the rock star when Mike was here” said Kimmi

Overall the quality at the local hooters has gone severely down hill and as a whole the store has been dropped from Division II to Division IIAA among Hooters restaurants across the country.

“I came from a Division I store in Buffalo and I was brought her to hire hot dumb girls who can hula hoop, sing, and make every horny guy think he has a chance and bring this store up to Division I status and I cannot do that with girls like Kimmi. Sometimes you just need to shake things up a bit, hopefully this will let the rest of the girls know I mean business and I’m here to win” said Brian