O'Reiley's Irish Pub, The Clubhouse and Goal Line Sports Cafe will all offer various specials to all on duty Toledo Police Officers who arrive in unifrom and driving their police cruiser.
Friday, October 30, 2009
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
God Shuts Off Direct Line To Opal Covey
Opal Covey, a recent fixture in Toledo politics and apparently number one on God’s speed dial received a tag on her door today notifying her that her direct line to God has been disconnected. The note was placed some time in the early morning hours of Tuesday and stated
Ms. Covey your line to God has been disconnected, if you need further assistance please dial *666 and ask for Carleton S. Finkbeiner
Ms. Covey has proclaimed in the last two mayoral elections that she had spoken to God and he was directing her to run for Mayor and would inform her on what needs to be done to improve the city of Toledo.
God was unavailable for comment but Heaven Spokesaint St. Peter said:
“ This has just gotten out of hand, normally we don’t mind when people invoke Gods name for their own personal use but when someone like this freak show is calling everyday all day we just have to draw the line somewhere. We are still working on Peace in the Middle East, trying to roll out this H1N1 thing, and we still have at least 3 more earthquakes and 7 other tsunami’s that we have to get to. Myself, God and Jesus all sat down and talked about this and we feel we just need to give her sometime to cool off and get as close to reality as she can and we might re connect the line in the future. Our plate is full with Toledo, OH and in this economy we have to make cuts like everyone else”.
Ms. Covey your line to God has been disconnected, if you need further assistance please dial *666 and ask for Carleton S. Finkbeiner
Ms. Covey has proclaimed in the last two mayoral elections that she had spoken to God and he was directing her to run for Mayor and would inform her on what needs to be done to improve the city of Toledo.
God was unavailable for comment but Heaven Spokesaint St. Peter said:
“ This has just gotten out of hand, normally we don’t mind when people invoke Gods name for their own personal use but when someone like this freak show is calling everyday all day we just have to draw the line somewhere. We are still working on Peace in the Middle East, trying to roll out this H1N1 thing, and we still have at least 3 more earthquakes and 7 other tsunami’s that we have to get to. Myself, God and Jesus all sat down and talked about this and we feel we just need to give her sometime to cool off and get as close to reality as she can and we might re connect the line in the future. Our plate is full with Toledo, OH and in this economy we have to make cuts like everyone else”.
Konop To Run For Class President
West Toledo:
Ben Konop who at the start of this years Mayoral Campaign season pledged to “take his ball and go home” if not elected has apparently filed his petition with the Start High School Student Council to run for Class President.
“I was pretty shocked when I got called to the office, I never get called to the office” said Student Council VP Tricia Abberson.
“ I was even more shocked to find Mr. Konop standing there waiting for me, and then when he told me he wanted to run for our class president I was just astounded. When he first told me I didn’t really hear him because I was too focused on why he was squinting so hard like he was staring into the sun or something. Then once I heard he repeat himself I knew it was for real” said Ms. Abberson
A review of the Roy C. Start High School Student Council bylaws clearly states that all candidates must be a student at the school at the start of the school year. However, after a quick 5-2 vote and the customary gang “beat in”, Mr. Konop was given the honor of Honorary Spartan.
“ Well I won the Commissioners seat on my aunt Sandy’s name and I obviously bit off more than I can chew with running for Mayor and I’m humble enough to know where my shortcomings are that I decided I should take a step back and really find myself down here in the “minor leagues” of politics.
During Mr. Konop’s first speech as a class president candidate he promised 4 square tournaments every Wednesday and Dodge ball every Thursday. On Fridays Mr. Konop promised to introduce a new game to the Start students called “Where’s the crack dealer” similar to the popular books “Where’s Waldo” this would be a live version where students would win by simply finding the crack dealer in their school.
According to Mr. Konop all of these games have real world applications which he promises to introduce to the citizens of Toledo the next time he runs for Mayor.
“I barely beat Opal Covey this last time around so I have to bring it strong the next time around” said Mr. Konop
“I was pretty shocked when I got called to the office, I never get called to the office” said Student Council VP Tricia Abberson.
“ I was even more shocked to find Mr. Konop standing there waiting for me, and then when he told me he wanted to run for our class president I was just astounded. When he first told me I didn’t really hear him because I was too focused on why he was squinting so hard like he was staring into the sun or something. Then once I heard he repeat himself I knew it was for real” said Ms. Abberson
A review of the Roy C. Start High School Student Council bylaws clearly states that all candidates must be a student at the school at the start of the school year. However, after a quick 5-2 vote and the customary gang “beat in”, Mr. Konop was given the honor of Honorary Spartan.
“ Well I won the Commissioners seat on my aunt Sandy’s name and I obviously bit off more than I can chew with running for Mayor and I’m humble enough to know where my shortcomings are that I decided I should take a step back and really find myself down here in the “minor leagues” of politics.
During Mr. Konop’s first speech as a class president candidate he promised 4 square tournaments every Wednesday and Dodge ball every Thursday. On Fridays Mr. Konop promised to introduce a new game to the Start students called “Where’s the crack dealer” similar to the popular books “Where’s Waldo” this would be a live version where students would win by simply finding the crack dealer in their school.
According to Mr. Konop all of these games have real world applications which he promises to introduce to the citizens of Toledo the next time he runs for Mayor.
“I barely beat Opal Covey this last time around so I have to bring it strong the next time around” said Mr. Konop
Walleye Opening Day Poll
Downtown Toledo:
We did it for opening day at 5/3 Field and we did it again for the Toledo Walleye Home Opener on Friday.
We sent Reg Hanson down to the arena to take a poll on what people thought of the new Lucas County Arena.
9% - Thought that the Storm jerseys looked different
6% - Was their first time over the bridge since July 4th
11% - Thought that the Sports Arena looked great
13% - Asked us if this is part of the Marina Project
8% - Were glad to see Ben Konop taking tickets at the front door
3% - Saw Scout in the mayor’s car
15% - Voted for Opal
6% - Were so intoxicated that they signed our petition (we didn’t have one)
4% - Asked about Toledo Onion home delivery
8% - Wanted to know where Dukes the dog was
7% - Still had walleye stuffed in pants because they were in the bathroom for the first goal
10% - Felt safe but were willing to take candy from strangers (we had candy)
Route 66 Shooters Trained On Nintendo
Toledo, OH:
Thanks to the video taken inside the Route 66 Bar & Grill splashed all over local and national media along with over 100,000 hits on Youtube the perpetrators of the shooting have been caught. James “lil dog” Johnson, Michael “Cherrio” Washington, Randal “Ray Ray” Dawson and Orlando “weezy” Tompkins were all apprehended. Police say they found the suspects in a house on Ontario St on Toledo’s North End.
Sgt. Michael Hutchinson said:
“After our tip line was flooded with the street names of the suspects we talked to some of our informants on the streets and all tips led us to this house. Upon entering the house we found the suspects playing the popular video game Duck Hunt on the original Nintendo gaming system. We came in with weapons drawn but the suspects did not put up a fight. Suspects Johnson, Washington and Dawson immediately put down their 40 oz bottles of King Cobra and laid on their stomachs with their arms outstretched. Suspect Tompkins exclaimed
“After our tip line was flooded with the street names of the suspects we talked to some of our informants on the streets and all tips led us to this house. Upon entering the house we found the suspects playing the popular video game Duck Hunt on the original Nintendo gaming system. We came in with weapons drawn but the suspects did not put up a fight. Suspects Johnson, Washington and Dawson immediately put down their 40 oz bottles of King Cobra and laid on their stomachs with their arms outstretched. Suspect Tompkins exclaimed
“Hold on brotha I’m in clay pigeon mode” before our officers wrestled him to the ground”.
According to police reports all suspects claimed to have taken all of their firearm training from the popular video game which most likely was the reason they did not even come close to striking their targets in the Route 66 shootout.
“Man I didn’t even know it was dat hard to shoot a real gun, they are really heavy compared to my NES Zapper, I was surprised. During the whole thing all I could picture was that little dog that pops up and laughs at me when I miss the ducks. To be honest man I didn’t even know why I was shootin or who I was shootin I was just picturing dat damn dog”, said Washington.
Police are still looking for one more suspect that was located inside Route 66, tips say 23 year old Nathaniel “Bang Bang Miss” Grobson is a big fan of Buck Hunter.
According to police reports all suspects claimed to have taken all of their firearm training from the popular video game which most likely was the reason they did not even come close to striking their targets in the Route 66 shootout.
“Man I didn’t even know it was dat hard to shoot a real gun, they are really heavy compared to my NES Zapper, I was surprised. During the whole thing all I could picture was that little dog that pops up and laughs at me when I miss the ducks. To be honest man I didn’t even know why I was shootin or who I was shootin I was just picturing dat damn dog”, said Washington.
Police are still looking for one more suspect that was located inside Route 66, tips say 23 year old Nathaniel “Bang Bang Miss” Grobson is a big fan of Buck Hunter.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Blarney Refugee Camp
With the recent news of Tsunami's and Earthquakes the Blarney Irish Pub has apparently set up a refugee shelter on their patio.
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