Monday, March 30, 2009

Toledo Mayor Blames Dog For City Budget Problems


Toledo,OH-

Following a very tense City Council meeting that was scheduled to take place Monday at 2pm, several city council members emerged from council chambers visibly upset with Toledo Mayor Carty Finbeiner. According to sources inside council chambers the purpose of the 2pm meeting was for the Finkbeiner Administration to propose their new 2009 General Fund Budget. Instead, the administration presented the same plan as before which led to interuptions by various City Council members. A 5 minute recess was declared in order to give Mayor Finkbeiner time to finish his shower and come down to council chambers to address the issue. When members of the mayor's staff notified him of councils' request the mayor reportedly threw his Spongebob Square Pants lunch box on the ground, kicked over his Hannah Montana microphone stand, and sat in his favorite Power Rangers chair, arms folded with a scowl on his face and said


"You tell those City Council buttheads that I'm not going down and if they want to talk to me they can text me"


The Mayors staff, which is used to these types of outburts followed 22nd floor protocol and sent the mayors dog Scout in to smooth over the situation. As Scout gently rubbed his cold wet nose on the Mayor's arm the Mayor could be heard repeating


"it's all your fault Scout, it's all your fault"




Scout with the normal puzzled look on his face continued to try to get the mayor to pet him, eventually even Scout gave up and returned to chewing on his favorite squeaky Carty toy.


Eventually at around 3:37 the mayor emerged from his office on the 22nd floor with Scout in tow and informed members of the media that the new budget plan was not created and it was all Scout's fault. The mayor stood firm on his position to cut essential police services, changes to city refuse collection and other various city services. In order to ease the city residents worries the mayor laid out his punishment for scout:



  • Only 4 walks by paid city staff per day

  • No new bones for a week

  • 3 extra kicks to the stomach a day for 3 days

  • 1 day in the car with the windows up each month for the months of June-August


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