In a late breaking development the Toledo Onion has received the letter that Mayor Finkbeiner has sent to the Toledo Police Patrolmans Union.
Dear Scum Sucker:
These are the concessions that the City of Toledo would like to see the Police Department take to keep all Police Officers working:
1. Replace tazers with (2) 9-volt batteries that they can have the criminals lick
2. Institute a “bring it back on full” policy. Just like when you were 16 and borrowed the car.
3. The morning shift deliver the Toledo Blade while on patrol
4. Sell sponsorships for the side of the cars and patches for the uniforms. Who wouldn’t like to be pulled over by Toft’s Ice Cream Police Car?
5. Officers will use Mud Hens Mini-bats instead of batons
6. Horses from the mounted patrol will be raced at Raceway Park to earn extra revenue.
7. Bike Patrol will now be year round (even in the winter months)
8. Police Training will now be done with Call of Duty: World at War on the Playstation 3
Dear Scum Sucker:
These are the concessions that the City of Toledo would like to see the Police Department take to keep all Police Officers working:
1. Replace tazers with (2) 9-volt batteries that they can have the criminals lick
2. Institute a “bring it back on full” policy. Just like when you were 16 and borrowed the car.
3. The morning shift deliver the Toledo Blade while on patrol
4. Sell sponsorships for the side of the cars and patches for the uniforms. Who wouldn’t like to be pulled over by Toft’s Ice Cream Police Car?
5. Officers will use Mud Hens Mini-bats instead of batons
6. Horses from the mounted patrol will be raced at Raceway Park to earn extra revenue.
7. Bike Patrol will now be year round (even in the winter months)
8. Police Training will now be done with Call of Duty: World at War on the Playstation 3
9. Mounted Patrol will carry lasso's in place of firearms.
10. Officers will sell confiscated drugs back to the dealers, thereby creating a constant stream of extra revenue
This a take it or leave it kind of policy. If you don’t accept it I will continue to bash you in the media and not bring Amy’s famous potato salad to the Police Picnic.
Sincerely yours,
This a take it or leave it kind of policy. If you don’t accept it I will continue to bash you in the media and not bring Amy’s famous potato salad to the Police Picnic.
Sincerely yours,
His Highness:
Carty
Carty
Toledo: Come for the Criminal Activity, stay for the faulty leadership.
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