Toledo, OH-
On the site of the future Marina District crews have found a bunker containing the last remaining Toledo Storm fan. East Toledoan Jim Bradford was found late Wednesday afternoon. Crews discovered Mr. Bradford while digging sewer lines on the site of the former Toledo Sports Arena.
Mr. Bradford a lifelong Toledo hockey fan built his bunker over a period of 3 months following the last Toledo Storm home game in April of 2007.
“After the game I was in the River Dome Lounge and I had to take a leak, when I came out of the bathroom all the lights were off and everyone was gone. I tried to get out but they had the doors chained shut.” Said Mr. Bradford
City of Toledo officials in conjunction with developer Larry Dillon have had the vision of Toledo’s Marina District for over 10 years now and at its current stage completion is slated for November of 2085. Mayor Carty Finkbeiner insisted the best thing for the city of Toledo was to tear down the Sports Arena to make way for a long standing pile of dirt and rubble which has now been turned into a gorgeous road going through an empty undeveloped field.
Upon realizing he had been locked into the Sports Arena and that no one was coming back Mr. Bradford helped himself to some leftover popcorn and had another beer.
“Once I realized I was locked in I thought what the hell, there is no where else I’d rather die than the Toledo Sports Arena”
Mr. Bradford, clad in his one size too small Storm jersey with matching yellow pit stains and the very common mustard and beer stain at the waist line, spent 3 years building his bunker underneath what engineers have determined would have been section 102.
“I just went around and gathered all the beer, popcorn, hot dogs, and Marcos pizzas I could find. I was actually doing really well down here until y’all had to come dig me up. I prolly had another 15 years worth of beer down there and at least 8 years of food left. Although the pizza was starting to get old”
Receipts recovered at the site show the Toledo Sports Arena had not purchased a keg of beer since the Turner Cup Championship year of 1983. Local scientist say all the beer served in the last 24 years at the Sports Arena had been fermenting in the basement and would explain why after two 64oz beers most fans were intoxicated beyond the point of coherent sentences and shed all regard of personal hygiene by the middle of the second period.
Upon extraditing Mr. Bradford officials informed him of the construction of the new Arena across the river on Huron St in downtown Toledo. A visibly upset Mr. Bradford was very disappointed to hear that the East Side has lost Toledo hockey and vowed to never attend another Storm game. Mr. Bradford was informed that Toledo’s newest hockey team would go by the Walleye.
“Really? The Walleye? Hell I love fishing, I’ll go but I aint buying no jersey, I’m just gonna wear my Amp Dale Jr. hat, shirt, and jacket and take my cowbell” he said
On the site of the future Marina District crews have found a bunker containing the last remaining Toledo Storm fan. East Toledoan Jim Bradford was found late Wednesday afternoon. Crews discovered Mr. Bradford while digging sewer lines on the site of the former Toledo Sports Arena.
Mr. Bradford a lifelong Toledo hockey fan built his bunker over a period of 3 months following the last Toledo Storm home game in April of 2007.
“After the game I was in the River Dome Lounge and I had to take a leak, when I came out of the bathroom all the lights were off and everyone was gone. I tried to get out but they had the doors chained shut.” Said Mr. Bradford
City of Toledo officials in conjunction with developer Larry Dillon have had the vision of Toledo’s Marina District for over 10 years now and at its current stage completion is slated for November of 2085. Mayor Carty Finkbeiner insisted the best thing for the city of Toledo was to tear down the Sports Arena to make way for a long standing pile of dirt and rubble which has now been turned into a gorgeous road going through an empty undeveloped field.
Upon realizing he had been locked into the Sports Arena and that no one was coming back Mr. Bradford helped himself to some leftover popcorn and had another beer.
“Once I realized I was locked in I thought what the hell, there is no where else I’d rather die than the Toledo Sports Arena”
Mr. Bradford, clad in his one size too small Storm jersey with matching yellow pit stains and the very common mustard and beer stain at the waist line, spent 3 years building his bunker underneath what engineers have determined would have been section 102.
“I just went around and gathered all the beer, popcorn, hot dogs, and Marcos pizzas I could find. I was actually doing really well down here until y’all had to come dig me up. I prolly had another 15 years worth of beer down there and at least 8 years of food left. Although the pizza was starting to get old”
Receipts recovered at the site show the Toledo Sports Arena had not purchased a keg of beer since the Turner Cup Championship year of 1983. Local scientist say all the beer served in the last 24 years at the Sports Arena had been fermenting in the basement and would explain why after two 64oz beers most fans were intoxicated beyond the point of coherent sentences and shed all regard of personal hygiene by the middle of the second period.
Upon extraditing Mr. Bradford officials informed him of the construction of the new Arena across the river on Huron St in downtown Toledo. A visibly upset Mr. Bradford was very disappointed to hear that the East Side has lost Toledo hockey and vowed to never attend another Storm game. Mr. Bradford was informed that Toledo’s newest hockey team would go by the Walleye.
“Really? The Walleye? Hell I love fishing, I’ll go but I aint buying no jersey, I’m just gonna wear my Amp Dale Jr. hat, shirt, and jacket and take my cowbell” he said
The sections only went up 20.
ReplyDeleteThat killed the whole story for me.
-2nd to last Storm fan, Aaron